I’ve been wanting to write again on this website since like 2 years ago. But every time I tried to write something, it’s always ended up in Draft. Sometimes I managed to put a post title on it. Never finished though, let alone published. Hell, looks like procrastination will be the death of me someday. There are times, when my mind was full of ideas about things that I could write here. But like I said above, I never finished it. And the next day I’d be forgetting about it already.
So sad. 😪
Years ago, I could write about anything. I’ve written everything from my mind to a blog. Love life? Check. Working life? Check. Social life? Check and check. But now? Zero. Nada. I guess life goes on. I have changed. Personally and mentally. I’m an adult now. A grown-up adult. Not the “just-turning-into-an-adult but hey I’m still a teenager somehow” that I used to be. Jeez, I’m over 30 now ffs. If I hadn’t changed then you’re allowed to slap some sense into my stupid brain. Seriously, I won’t even press charges! 🤭
Yeah, if I don’t write it down, I forget it. Memories are too important.Stefan Salvatore
Yeah, I am an introvert now, so what? It’s not easy to talk about what’s on my mind anymore, like.. I don’t feel comfortable to tell the world my life stories. I’ve been keeping things to myself for the last few years. Meh, I don’t even know how my head has not exploded yet by now.
But, look, here I am. Writing to you about how and why I cannot write anymore, lol. Well, it’s a start I hope. A good start. A baby step. Because bottling things up to myself is apparently making me even more depressed and that’s not healthy. I need to hit a reset button so I could do a fresh start, make redemption for my mistakes and make things right again.
I have no idea, to be honest. But I know that I have to do it one time at a time. Because time is the only thing that could heal me. And I know that I need a closure, the thing is.. I’m not sure I could bring myself to do it. I have to admit it out loud first and not stuck in a denial instead.
And then I remembered that it’s okay to not be okay.
I will continue my life the way I dream it, and not the way others want it to be.
Suck it up, 2020!